Part I – Becoming Aware
I was lucky enough last Sunday to get to watch Oprah’s Life Class on her new cable channel, OWN. It was a rerun, but new to me. What she does in the “Life Class” is to take episodes from her show, now off the air on network TV, and use clips from the shows to make a point in life in the here and now.
That Oprah, she’s in her element when she is giving the rest of us a plan to be a better person. I take her advice to heart as if she is sitting right in the room with me, talking only to me. Only she isn’t talking just to me. Can you imagine having the Oprah-effect on people? I can – it’s filed under My Wildest Dreams.
So I was watching Oprah’s Life Class and even though the kids were running around me, I was able to get one message loud and clear from what I heard and saw. The message was this: be responsible for the energy I bring to a room.
When it comes to bringing energy to a room, mine might seem tired much of the time. And that energy would be correct. I am tired a lot. I love to nap, I love silence and I don’t care to be in large crowds. I take on the energy of others so much that if you tell me you have pain in your back, my skin will hurt in that same spot where you hurt. And if your pain is bad enough I might even faint – don’t laugh, it’s happened.
I watched Sunday’s Oprah then I went to a meditation on Monday. This was not at my usual place, Phoenix & Dragon. I went to Horizon Center for Intuitive Awareness, which is next door to P&D. They have a women’s meditation hour held on Mondays and I loved it.
What I got from watching Oprah and what message came to me in meditation was: Start to be very aware of the energies that surround you. Notice the energy of each and every person that comes into contact with your field of energy and how that affects you.
My mind starts to do a mental inventory of the people in my life and how each energy brought to me affects me. Then I “see” that I get to decide how I want to use that energy. And I’m asked, What energy are you bringing to these same people? What do you want to contribute to the relationship?
My answer is simple: I want to leave the room a better place than when I came in.
Part II – Bring On the Positive
Today, at the coffee shop, I read the current spiritual book I have going, Positive Energy, 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress & Fear into Vibrance, Strength & Love, by Judith Orloff, M.D.. There are so many grand things about her “Prescriptions” for a better life. But today I opened the book to find the next chapter deals with Becoming More Positive and Attracting Positive People and Situations. A coincidence? Maybe, maybe not. These coincidences happen a lot these days.
Those who know me recognize that I’m not a perfectly cheerful person. I have a predisposition to look at you with disdain if you don’t get the gist of my message fast enough. I might even give you an answer in a tone that lets you know you have put me out.
Thank goodness, Orloff confirmed, I’m not meant to be perfect. I’m going to have times when I’m not the jolliest person in the world. But I can try to come at every situation in my life with compassion and an open heart.
Orloff’s definition of a positive person is:
· Someone who is committed to developing compassion and an open heart.
· Courageous about following their dreams
· Authentic; they believe in themselves even when the world around them is crumbling.
· Aware of their dark side and are trying to heal it
· Willing to learn from mistakes.
She lists, someone not so positive might be:
· Obsessed with seeming perfect or positive all the time.
· Beating themselves up over their shortcomings or being a pessimist
· Constantly mired in fear or tolerant of their hearts hardening
· Someone that is a do-gooder while ignoring their own well being
· Someone that pleases everyone else, ignoring their dark side, only to unconsciously act it out at the expense of others.
Orloff says, “We all have our good and bad points. What sets positive people apart is a determination to do their best, and not succumb to what’s negative in them or around them.”
She also gives ways to become a more positive person and attract more positive people and situations into life. I believe they are good suggestions.
How to, according to Orloff, become a more positive person and attract positive people and situations:
1. Identify your best parts and speak from them. Pinpoint your finest qualities, like sensitivity, compassion, humor, then project them to the world. Before meeting new people or going into important events, prime yourself. Have an inner pep talk and focus on your strength.
I really like this one. Hubby has a good way of doing this that I used when I was speaking at my grandmother’s funeral. I reminded myself, Everyone here wants to see me succeed. They are all my friends.
Another way I intend to use Orloff’s suggestion is, when I go into a large crowd, or a party. I am inclined to remind myself that I don’t like crowds. I go in with a distinct air of wanting to get out before I ever entered the door.
But, from now on I am going to remind myself that I have a witty sense of humor. I’m going to seek out people that are funny and light of heart in this type of setting. I believe this attitude will lighten my own heart and attract exactly the kind of people I desire to help relieve my stress.
2. Extend heart energy outward. You can send this type of energy in any situation, just focus on your heart center and envision something or someone you love. Feel it in your chest then send these vibes outward. Try it on someone you don’t even like!
It is probably important to note on this suggestion that your heart chakra, one of the seven energy centers in your body, is in the middle of your chest. Its color is green. This chakra is associated with the emotions of joy, happiness, integrity, respect, compassion, understanding, and generosity. It is this chakra that helps us connect with other people and show love and affection.
Often, when I hug my kids I picture a big, bright green light in my chest then I visualize it bursting out into their heart center as colorful flowers and a fireworks type of display. When I do this I feel so much love rush into our hug, it’s a wonderful feeling.
3. Meditate regularly. Brain research confirms that we all have a certain mood set-point, a range of feelings that we regularly inhabit (this is psychological talk for we are pretty darn routine folks even in our feelings). During meditation, focusing on what is uplifting, not the negative, will increase positive vibes even after the meditation is over.
This is exactly what I get out of meditating! I often go in feeling negative or stressed and I always come out feeling so grateful for my life and those around me. I cannot state enough what a change meditation has made in my life and in the way I treat myself and others. It’s life changing to meditate – even for five minutes one day a week is better than not meditating at all.
4. Commit to emotional housecleaning. Consistently chipping away at the negative makes room for more light in a being. Self awareness is our greatest ally against fear. Psychotherapy, introspection, meditation, journaling, and/or talking to friends all further healing.
I suppose part of my own housecleaning is writing. I find out more about myself every time I write something – sometimes I go back and read what I wrote and I surprise myself with what came out.
I also notice there is something I do when I need to clean house. I dwell. I think on one subject over and over and over and over again. I stew. I boil. I make everyone around me miserable. These days I am better at catching myself doing it before I get too negative. Now, because I write and meditate, I get “it” out before I stew too much, but it does still happen.
I also have a therapist and I think everyone should have a person they pay to listen to them. When I go to my therapist I don’t have to be concerned with the conversation being all about me. If fact, she better not say anything about herself unless it directly affects me! That would be one of those half-jokes.
But really, when I have something going on, like Hubby and I taking a trip to different planets and I can’t seem to communicate with him, I go to my therapist and let it all out. I get a good perspective on what’s going on and I can look at the situation more clearly.
Personally, I go to a psychologist who has a bend towards spirituality. She knows where I’m coming from and gives me the kind of suggestions I can use in my life. I think having the right person to talk with is as important as having a person at all.
So, this is getting long, and I’m getting tired. It’s my nap time. The time I take almost daily before I pick the kids up from school. Time to clear my mind, relax and doze off. I plan to visualize my heart center, green and swirling, opening up. I plan to use this time to find my highest good so that for the rest of the day, hopefully, I will be a positive force in the lives of those around me.
Source: Positive Energy, 10 Extraordinary Prescriptions for Transforming Fatigue, Stress & Fear into Vibrance, Strength & Love, by Judith Orloff, M.D. Exerpts from Chapter 8, pages 263-267
Mom's Soul Cafe 
I got so much out of this post, Monk. Thank you for condensing everything down so well and giving us these great nuggets of wisdom from your reading. I admire your determination to create the best life possible for you and your family. I am a lucky and proud Mom.
Ditto what my sister said!! It helps me also when you explain how to enlighten myself without me having to read the books! Last night Mike and I found ourselves around some angry people that really drained our energy, which is why I posted my New Years resolution. I know its not a coinsidence that I read this blog today at just the right time. ;}}